CV19: A Cornonavirus Diary
I’m going to share some things about life during the coronavirus, covid-19, which for brevity I’ll call CV19. I don’t have anything to share that is insider information or news you need to know — there are plenty of media articles and memes to find what fits your worldview. This is simply my experience, personal insights, and a few choice words to record this unique time in the history of humanity and our relationship with the planet.
Today, March 20th is my 8th day of sequestration, partly government mandated and some self-imposed isolation. We began on Friday the 13th of March, the day local schools closed to staunch the rate of spreading infection.
First, I admit that during this time I am an addict.
Yes, there’s a caveat. The extrovert struggle is real!
When deprived of regular, in-person social experiences, I slip, fast and deep back into obsessive social media checks on my phone. Facebook and Instagram are my lifeline, for hours upon hours a day. (And you know, the slut-shaming my iPhone tells me about my % increase in social media use is a reminder that we really are not BFFs.)
Grasping blindly for my phone at first light is where I’ve started and cuddling with its warm glow is where I’ve ended my day, every day this week.
And let me tell you, after an hour of scrolling through, gasping, grimacing, laughing, and crying, that elated feeling I had in the first five or ten minutes turns to uneasy queasiness, as if I’d eaten an entire pint of ice cream by myself in a food-gorging contest.
The social media hangover sucks. I cannot help myself.
Before CV19, I would put my phone across the room or in another room altogether, so upon waking, I could focus on what was really important in my life first. Sex. Or the lack of it. Breakfast, actually. This is distracting… back to the point.
At night, I’d go to bed after meditation and a couple chapters of a book. Those were the good ‘ol days. Now I want to know what is happening and those apps deliver more than a thousand connections around the world for me.
The people, the people, the people!
How are the people? My people? The tiny little updates and photos feed that curiosity and desire to connect. It is an emotional barometer of the outside world. It also feeds a monster den of fear, anxiety, and outrage. I’m learning to compartmentalize that unproductive crap.
I feel super lucky that most people I’m connected to are people who are doing good, amazing things in the world. They’re the nurses working at the hospital, volunteers at the food rescue, cooks feeding friends, first responders showing up, musicians making music, small business owners taking care of employees, therapists seeing clients online, writers and reporters sharing stories about their communities and covering national news, too, and so many amazing people making the best of life in this pandemic.
Personally, I am not a fan of those color-coded schedules that attempt to turn kids into office desk-jockeys. Give them a cardboard box, a few craft supplies, some kitchenware, and let boredom lead them to create. I will now publicly thank my mom for letting my siblings and I have the entire basement full of random stuff and no to-do list (And no television or other electronics because they did not exist back then. True story.) when were in single digit ages. We were masterful actors, artists, and builders who created worlds from our imaginations. And, bonus! I learned how to be an insufferable bossypants, high on her own 8 year-old power. Sorry, siblings, I’m *thisclose* to recovery from that affliction.
Do you know that I meditate three times a day? Ooohhhmmmm [cough, cough] Ooohhhmmm [cough, cough, cough, hack]… I feel like that is definitely not enough in a pandemic. What is the daily recommended allowance? I’d consult a guru, but I do not believe in gurus.
I do count petting the dog as a meditative and healing activity. Are all the world’s pets now basking in abundant petting and playtime? Ours definitely is! I’ll rework the schedule to meditate every three hours and see if that helps. Starting tomorrow. Obviously. There’s a lot of dog fur to clean up. It is somehow on the dishwashing sponge and in my tea.
What are you all doing to cope with and manage your new existence and interactions with the world? Are you isolated? Overworking? Feeling relief that you have family in the next room? And anything and everything in between? Do you need help and know where to get it?
I encourage you to reach out to family or friends and say hello, just to start. We need our people and I, for one, will keep calling my sister until she calls me back.